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Quoting the funny Johnny Carson :

“Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.”

"The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money."

“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. “

 

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The absent are always wrong. - English proverb

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone else to blame.

Faults are thick where love is thin. - Danish proverb

If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.

Money isn't everything . . . but if you have kids in college,
it surely keeps them in touch.

People who drive like hell are bound to get there.

Wise men take advice. Fools don't.

A bird in the hand is safer than one that’s directly overhead.

Click here for other funny proverbs.