TM

Photo credit: Wikipedia

Quoting the funny W. C. Fields :

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”

“It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.”

“Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.”

“The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.”

“The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.”

“Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.”

“Once, during prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”

“I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.”

“A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.”

“I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.”

“The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.”

“Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.”

“Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.”

“I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.”

“I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.”

“The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.”